With a gasp, we wait… still enough in the space to listen to the precision of silence. The earth is moving deep below where we stand because – far beneath the surface – a fault line exists. This is where two edges separate plates that are rubbing together and, although we cannot see this friction, the proof of its effect tells us it is real. It is its very own weapon of mass destruction that negotiates pressure though never to win. The upshot and the epicenter are connected by their origin and exist forever along this fault.
As I stand there, I cannot escape it. I did not create it. It is not my fault, but it has everything to do with me.
With a gasp, they wait… anxious enough in the space to forestall the imperfection of my passive-aggression. The rancor is stirring because, deep below the surface, a fault line exists. This intangible rift separates the two halves of me that are rubbing together and, although I cannot see this friction, the proof of its effect tells me it is real. I am my very own weapon of mass destruction, negotiating pressure though never to win. The light and the dark are linked by their axis that resides unbending in me.
As I stand here, I cannot escape it. I did not create it. It is not my fault, but it has everything to do with me.
I realise I haven’t smiled in a while. I realise I have had conversations I haven’t remembered for a while. I realise I have been scared, lonely and dark. I realise I stopped living when I started hiding. I realise I never knew how to fill the hole I was trying to fill. I realise that although I thought I was fearless, I was the most scared I have ever been.
I see that I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I see that I have more guts than I ever believed I had. I see that I feel here, I feel alive and I feel awake. I see that I am beautiful and I can be happy. I see that within me and the beautiful precision of silence, I’ve found a chest full of treasures.
I see that I am no longer scared and I will not escape it. Because I know that I did not create it and it is not my fault.
This has everything to do with me.
© Dylan Balkind