Dear Matthew

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I found two things today that reminded me just how painfully physical my heart is.

One was a valentine’s card you gave me… the other was a poem called When Love Arrives, by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye.

Between the genuine insecurity of a flickering bewilderment, where dyspnea is the norm and sensibility is the casualty of a drunk compass, there was only one very raw reality to recognise no matter which way the light reflected it:

I miss you.

And then came the flood of embarrassment in both knowing I could have felt more when I had the opportunity to feel it, and the honesty in recognising why you lost respect for me.

But it was never a waste of time.

It was never not real.

And it was never not worth it.

Sarah and Phil say: “If love leaves … Turn off the music, listen to the quiet and whisper ‘thank you for stopping by’.”


So, Matthew, thank you for stopping by.

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